2018: Sighs and Heart Eyes

I feel like there are about 27 cliches running through my mind right now... so let me spare you and get right down to it.

In November, a dear friend from my ward sent me the cutest card in the mail. You should have seen me when I opened it. My joy. It was so full. Her words were thoughtful, kind, and uplifting. Not only did it make an impact on me that day, but it made an impact on my entire December because guess whaaaaat....

My goal for this month was to snail-mail a handwritten card to someone each day. I love writing cards, so this goal wasn't so much to stretch me as it was to be consciously grateful for people in my life and to express that gratitude to them in a meaningful way. A couple unexpected things came out of it for me:

1. There are so many people in my life to write to! One card a day really doesn't suffice for all the goodness in my life. That was eye-opening.

2. I ended up writing the card each night as I was getting ready for bed. I would highly recommend this practice to anyone. Spending a few minutes at the end of the day thinking about someone you love and writing to them does some serious good for the soul. It's like a gratitude journal on steroids because you're putting that gratitude into a little bit of service for someone else. And then you hop into bed and you feel awesome.

And just like that 2018 is over.  It was legitimately one of the best years I have had in a long time. Here are some highlights (excluding the monthly goals you've already read about):

- Best book I read: Same Kind of Different as Me. You probably already know that because I've probably already told you about it or given it to you for your birthday.

- Prettiest site I saw: Bike ride through the Cotswolds in England. But Bryce Canyon was a close second or maybe even a tie for first.

- Most delicious food I ate: Pretty much everything I ate at Isabella Station in Sylvester, Georgia (including steak and salmon and a fried chimichanga AND fried cheesecake, and etc., and etc.)

- Hardest I laughed: Probably when we were in the airport in Hawaii and the attendant said over the intercom, "If you have Sky Priority under your seat assignment then you can board." My grandma jumped up and started frantically looking under all the seats and telling us to look under our seats to see if we got the sky priority. It would have been just average hilarious except that my mom started laughing so hard she couldn't breathe and then my brother started laughing really hard and then I started laughing really hard. And there we all were laughing that silent, can't-breathe laugh as my grandma continued the desperate search all by herself, hoping to win the prize. When we told her what he actually meant, she said, "Well, I've been to a lot of parties with games like that!"  If only airports were like parties with prizes.

- Most recent tears shed: When Benjamin got a girlfriend. Yes, I'm that sister.

- Favorite movie: Oh I just don't know. But I realllllllly loved Coco that first time I saw it. All those Mexicanisms I just could not resist.

- Number of weddings attended: 2 (perhaps an all time low? perhaps because I'm old so now I'm attending an all time high number of baby showers instead?)

- Number of bug bites received: 1,453

I think that covers the essentials. Let me end with this: Remember that article I shared last month from Elder Holland? It was called "Making Your Life a Soul-Stirring Journey of Personal Growth." He says our souls were created to grow, and he talks about learning and becoming, repentance and conversion, and change. I've been thinking about the title all month. I even wrote it on a sticky note for my desk at work.

Making my life a soul-stirring journey of personal growth.

That's what I want to do. And I think that's what I've been doing; I think that's why 2018 has been so stellar. I took initiative, set goals, made plans, tried new things, shared insights, prayed, made new friends, gave second chances, failed, turned, learned, lost opportunities, took opportunities, succeeded. All of it.

It was a soul-stirring year of personal growth.

Here's to another one in 2019.

A Sister is a Golden Thread to the Meaning of Life

Sisters who travel the world together stay together
#UK2018

October 19, 2007

"Oh my gosh! You are not going to believe this incredibly good news I have. I'm so excited! I know I've probably started a journal with an entry like this but whatever was my "good news" on my other pages is so not as good as this news! This is like the best beautiful news of my LIFE! Do you want to hear it? Okay..."

My mom was pregnant. Obviously I was beside myself with pure joy. I was 15 years old and obsessed with babies, and my youngest sibling was 9 years old at the time. As you can imagine, we/I spent the next several months counting down the very hours until said baby would finally be born. I made a countdown sticker chart that seriously had 165 days on it. (It was probably the day we found out the gender, so I knew what color to make the chart. You know, because gender stereotyping and stuff...)(Also, little did I know, that chart was 16 spaces too short. It really was an eternity waiting for that child).

September 27, 2012

"Lily is the girly-girl of the fam. She is 4 years old. She loves pink and purple and princesses and hearts and flowers and butterflies and tutus and dancing and looking cute. She is seriously the girliest girl I have ever seen. She loves to play house. She is a picky eater and pretty much eats nothing, but it's fine... Anyway, Lily is so fun and hilarious and she loves to hang out with her brothers and sisters even though we are all like 20 years older than her. She makes me laugh a whole lot and I always look forward to seeing her when I come home." 

Sometimes I do little snapshots of the fam in my journal. I write a paragraph about each person so I can remember that phase of life later. I love this one of Lily. She was so cute. I remember being soooooo sick of playing house because that is all she ever wanted to do. Also, she had trouble saying the "R" sound, and that was adorable.

June 29, 2016

"Here's a little glimpse at a conversation I had with my baby sister today on her last day as a 7 year old...
Me: My friend got engaged.
Lily: YOU need to get engaged!!
Me: Why?
Lily: Well, actually I like you this way."

For real, Lily is among the funniest of people in my current life. Not only is she hilarious, she is also so creative. She makes the coolest forts I have ever seen. She loves scavenger hunts and escape rooms, and we make those for each other regularly. If you give her a cardboard box or two, she will turn them into something magical. She is tender-hearted and loves people and animals and goodness. AND if you feel like you might want to doubt God, just talk to Lily. That girl has faith.

Even though I love the crap out of her, I also have my mortal failings as an older sister. I can be bossy. I can think I need to take responsibility for her life choices. This can lead to arguments and frustration. When this happens, I feel really bad! She does not need another mom or another critic or another judge out of me. She needs a sister and a friend.

I took November as an opportunity to be best friends with Lily. Honestly, I believe this month's goal was inspired -- an answer to my recent prayers about how to be a better sister to her. The rules were simple: Treat her how I would treat my best friend. This includes obvious things like listening to what she has to say, spending time with her, and asking her opinion on things. If she did or said something that upset me, I made a way bigger effort to see past that, like I would for a friend. I also made it a point to only go to my parents' house if I had enough time to actually spend some on Lily (rather than just grabbing food and leaving).

Here's how it turned out:

1. We made her her very own playlist on my phone with allllllll her favorite songs and none of my opinions. Whenever we were together in my car, we would listen to it.

2. We went laser-tagging, only her favorite activity of all time (even though she lost and cried at the end...it's fine).

3. We played games. She beats me at Connect Four and Qwixx and Sorry, and I beat her at Concentration and Rummikub.

4. We watched a movie.

5. We went to a play.

6. I bought her a cup of pretzel bites at Annie's and then dragged her around H&M and made her give me all her opinions on all the clothes, only to buy nothing as usual.

7. We had a sleepover in her fort (except I didn't actually do my sleeping in the fort, but she doesn't know that, soooo it counts).

8. I took her ministering with me once. That was fun.

9. Last night, we exercised together. That's turning into our new favorite thing. She can do 50 sit ups in like zero time flat, and I sit out during back walkover time. Also, she judges me on my bridge form (and my splits), but I would probably judge myself, so I'm not worried about it. When I was leaving the house after that, she gave me a hug and I said, "You're so warm and cozy!" And she said, "You're so...willing to hug!" Accurate on both accounts.



Okay. This is turning long. Let me end.

I've always felt sad for girls who don't have sisters (and for girls who don't have brothers, but that's for another time). I would never have survived childhood or teenagehood or young adulthood without my sister, Meckenzie. I want to be there for Lily like Meckenzie is there for me. I'm not saying I was the worst sister ever prior to November because please. Of course I have always been there for Lily. She probably didn't even notice a difference this month. But I noticed! I was there for her a little more consciously with my brain and my heart, and it was just nice, you know? It felt good. It felt good on the inside. I needed the renewed perspective.

So. That's it. Sisters are worth it.

(My cousin, Laurie, took these pics, btw)

P. S. Can you even imagine how fun it will be when I'm 39 and Lily is 23 and we get to be adult friendsisters? I'm excited, but I can wait. I like her kid self a lot.


(Title of post from Isadora James)

What I Learned From Meeting Someone New Each Day for a Month

October was a big month.  I decided to take my introvert self on an adventure into the world of extroversion and intentionally talk to people.

The goal was to meet (at least) one new person per day. Rules were as follows:
1. I had to learn their name.
2. They had to learn mine.
3. I could not have met them before.
4. I couldn't tell them about my goal as an excuse to talk to them. To them, it was a regular encounter with a stranger.

How did it go, you ask?

Oct. 1: Benjamin. Soon-to-be pro genealogist who lived in Louisiana once upon a time.
Oct. 2: Dan. Personal chef. Brazilian accent.
Oct. 3: Hilary. The best meal she's ever eaten in her life was hibachi in Acapulco, Mexico.
Oct. 4: Samantha. Artist. Left-handed. #rightbrained. She said to me, "You're really level-headed. I need that."
Oct. 5: Elder Deakins and Elder Reed. Because you can never meet just one missionary. They were top notch.
Oct. 6: Taylor. Asian, but fluent in Spanish. Plot twist.
Oct. 7: Dalton. Last semester at BYU, studying exercise science. Applying to med school in the spring. No plot twist.
Oct. 8: Brad. Introduced me to permethrin. Apparently it's good for killing cockroaches.
Oct. 9: Angela. I met her at like 5:07 a.m. so she's automatically a cut above the rest.
Oct. 10: Eric. I asked him if he was this girl's dad...turns out he was this girl's brother...#regrets.
Oct. 11: RoseAnn. Special K bar from Village Baker comes highly recommended by her. I have yet to verify.
Oct. 12: David. One of the few I actually shook hands with this month.
Oct. 13: .....
Oct. 14: Kat. Works at Petsmart and loves animals. Getting a kitty soon. Fitting.
Oct. 15: Sherry. All about that essential oil life. If Young Living had anything to do with it in the last two decades, she knows about it.
Oct. 16: Amy. I witnessed her first northern Utah hike, her first meal at Cubby's, her first time at the Pioneer Museum, her first session in the Salt Lake Temple, and her first taste of Indian food, and she took it all like a champ.
Oct. 17: Ty. On a scale of 1-10, I'd give his ten key skills an 8.
Oct. 18: Kierra. It turns out we have the exact same taste buds when it comes to smoothies. Also, she plans to name her future child Brittan. Obviously we were meant to be.
Oct. 19: Phillip. French Californian who now lives in Cedar City because IT'S SO DANG BEAUTIFUL.
Oct. 20: Kimmie. Wears amethyst because it's the stone of protection and sobriety and she's going on four years sober. Also, she believed in Santa until she was 15.
Oct. 21: Garrin. Think musical hipster. Complete with trendy glasses.
Oct. 22: Jamey. Currently training for a 10k.
Oct. 23: Isabella. 12 years old. Greeted me with, "Are you a twin to anyone? Because if you are, there are a lot of twins in the world." Of course I immediately created a list of best conversation starters and put that at the top.
Oct. 24: Sister Lane and Sister La Croix. How often do you get to have two sets of missionaries share the same message with you twice in one month?? Clearly, God wants me to share the Book of Mormon with every last one of you.
Oct. 25: .....
Oct. 26: Auntie Clarita. Been working the fruit stand in Oahu for 15 years. She couldn't really handle my name, but it was endearing to see her try so hard.
Oct. 27: Elder and Sister Galloway. My grandpa's brother and his wife, currently serving a mission at BYU-H. She thought I was still in high school, but I won't hold that against her.
Oct. 28: Kathy. She was on the same plane to and from Hawaii, and on the same bench as me at church. She asked if Benjamin and I were twins. When I said no, she said, "Oh, just really close in age?" I took it as a huge compliment.
Oct. 29: Tim. Lives the dream life renting beach equipment to people in Hawaii and giving private kayak tours.
Oct. 30: KP. Stands for Kauila Pele, meaning lightening and lava. Original name: Brad. Claims to have a passion for coffee.
Oct. 31: Gretta. Her favorite kind of apple is honey crisp, but she'll go for fuji if she's not up for the price.

There you have it. 32 people I could introduce you to if we crossed paths, and I did not know any of them before October happened.

About a week and a half into the goal, I told my brother, Brady, what I was doing. He asked, "Are any of them worth knowing again?"

It was a good question, and one I thought about for the rest of the month.

Honestly, this was a hard goal for me. It can be awkward to make conversation with strangers. It can be uncomfortable to offer a compliment or ask a question, or share an insight with someone I hardly know. It is a lot easier to keep to myself, and sometimes that is okay. But sometimes I cross paths with someone who has exactly the suggestion or exactly the experience or exactly the words I needed that day. Or maybe they need exactly what I have. Would life go on if I never talked to them and kept to myself? Yes, and that is just fine. But could life be a little better if I go out of my comfort zone for two seconds and make an unexpected connection? Yes.

For example, I told Hilary I was going to Hawaii this month, and she immediately whipped out all sorts of pictures and suggestions for me. She is the one who told me about Chinaman's Hat. Look what I would have missed out on if I hadn't met her:

The view from Chinaman's Hat

 Even though I dreaded it a lot of times, I never regretted talking to a stranger after it was over. Usually the interaction left me with a few extra smiles that I would not have experienced otherwise. As far as "knowing again" as Brady asked: I have indeed seen a few of them again, and guess what! Still worth it. Not one of them would I avoid if we crossed paths. In fact, by meeting them the first time I actually expanded my comfort zone. If I was in a room full of strangers, plus one of those people on the list above, I would feel really happy about walking over to them and talking again. I'm excited to see Hilary again and tell her all about my experience on Chinaman's Hat. I would visit Auntie Clarita everyday if I could. I'll see Samantha again tonight, and I'm going to ask her about her current art adventures.

I'm happy to go into November with a few more friends and a few more good memories, thanks to October.

Auntie Clarita

 "What a great favor God does to those he places in the company of good people."
-St. Teresa of Avila

This Was September

I did have a goal for September, but then September actually happened and I discovered my goal was not realistic. Fortunately, the world didn't end and we get second chances and all that good stuff, so look forward to reading about that goal another month.

In the meantime though, I spent September reading the Saints book! Let me tell you about that real quick because it was a true pro on the month's pros and cons list. Plus it turned out to be a really great continuation of my July and August goals.

In case you didn't hear, the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints has a group of historians compiling their history in a narrative form and publishing it in four volumes. The first one came out on September 4 (+/- a few). You can read it here, or on the gospel library app, or you can buy the actual thing from Deseret Book for $5 (+/- a few).

So I read it! And I loved it. There are so many things I could say about it, but I want you to stop reading this and go read that, so I'll try to keep it simple:

I am humbled and grateful for the road paved by the early saints of the church. It's really easy to sit on my cushy bench on Sundays with dozens of other mormons around me and thousands more throughout the state (and millions more throughout the world!), and talk about the fact that we're going to hear the prophet speak this weekend like that's totally normal. I got a new perspective as I read about the saints gathering together less than 200 years ago to hear the prophet Joseph Smith preach at the first conference. Nobody there "grew up in the church." Each of them had made (and would make) significant changes and sacrifices for their newfound faith. It was during these early conferences that members heard for the first time new truths about the afterlife, about the Priesthood, about eternal marriage and families.

It's really easy to hear about the saints getting persecuted and having to move from city to city over and over and over, when I know that they eventually make it to the Salt Lake Valley and "all is well." The saints didn't know that. They fully expected to establish Zion in Missouri and build up the kingdom there. I can't even handle how much faith it would have taken to pack up your family AGAIN and leave in the middle of the night in the middle of winter as your house is being burned down and your cattle are being slaughtered and bullets are flying past you and your husband is missing and your four children are clinging to you. And you're thousands of miles from the Salt Lake Valley that you don't even know will exist someday.

It's really easy to hear about Joseph Smith being murdered only 14 years after the church was established, when I know that in 2018, President Russell M. Nelson has been called of God to lead His church and carry on the work. When President Monson died earlier this year, I hardly even blinked because I knew God had prepared another (as He always has) to fill his place. But what about the early saints?! Their beloved prophet and leader died, the local government and surrounding cities were threatening them, and several church leaders were coming out saying they were the rightful next church president. They didn't have 175 (+/- a few) years of church history to tell them that it would be fine.

Listen to this description of their perspective after being forced to flee yet again: "No one in the camp knew what the morning would bring. Yet they were not leaping blindly into the dark. They had made covenants with God in the temple, strengthening their faith in His power to guide and sustain them on their journey. Each trusted that somewhere to the west, across the summits of the Rocky Mountains, they would find a place to gather together, build another temple, and establish the kingdom of God on earth."

Inspired.

I'd give it 5 stars.

Feel free to read it and let me know what you think. But, lest we get our priorities mixed up, I have a duty to remind you that if you haven't read the Book of Mormon yet you should read that first, and THEN read Saints and THEN let me know what you think.

Remember what it was to be me: That is always the point.

Several months ago I visited the home of Camille, a friend of my mother's whose calling in life is to journal. At the age of 16 she read the journal of one of her great grandmothers and it deeply impacted her. She began her own, and over the course of her life was inspired and guided on all things journal. You should have seen it. Now in her 70s, she has decades of her life recorded and neatly organized in books, complete with cross references, footnotes, and topics. She has a place for spiritual events, temple experiences, regular life, etc. At the end of each year she creates a table of contents so she can easily come back and relearn from the experiences of that year. Every entry has a heading. Every page a number.

Her work is so thorough, organized, and meaningful that she has coordinated with the church to have it stored in the vaults where it can be used later as a resource and reference to bless the lives of future us.  She told us she doesn't think everyone needs to be as thorough and organized as she is, but she thinks everyone should at least do something.

As Camille shared her testimony, verses from the scriptures, and experiences on the importance of record keeping, I was touched. I wanted to do better. One thing that stood out to me was the fact that, in addition to the scriptures and words of the prophets, she reads a little bit of her journal each day. "My journal is like personal scripture to me," she said.  I wondered how that could be.

Later that week I pulled out my box of journals and found I had completely filled 10 books of various sizes. I started my first in December 2002, at 10 years old. I wrote about Christmas. The next couple years have entries here and there, but nothing consistent. At the beginning of high school I got more into it, and by the time college came I was all about the journal life. I wrote quite a bit on my mission as well, and a fair amount just after. The last couple years have been pretty spotty.

I decided to follow Camille's advice and began reading from my own journals. At random, I chose to first read a journal I kept my sophomore year of college -- Fall 2011.  That was a good choice. I read about my time living at Old Farm in Logan, working at Jamba Juice and Morningside Preschool, staying up late doing homework, and making peanut butter shakes with my roommates. That was the year I learned I love to exercise. I also read about answered prayers and spiritual promptings. I read about my relationship with God, about my scripture studies, my plans for the future, and my fears and my hopes. I was surprised to see how much I had forgotten about that time in my life. I was also surprised to see how much I have changed and grown since then. A lot of those experiences influenced choices I made later, and had an impact on me that I could not have foreseen at the time.

 Eventually I made it to the journal I kept as a sophomore in high school -- Fall 2007. I read about learning to drive, joining the golf team, and taking a hard spanish class. I read about the day we learned my mom was going to have another baby -- the entire family was elated. That list they have you write in young women about what you should look for in a husband was in there (eye roll but also grin that I have such insight into 15 year old me). I got my patriarchal blessing that year, and wrote about many other spiritual experiences and answered prayers.

One such answered prayer came in the form of a girl named Jenna. To make a very long story very short: I went into high school with no friends and I was sad about that. I prayed for months about it and wrote many entries in my journal on the topic. Fortunately, I have a happy disposition and a stellar family, and by some miracle I didn't go completely down a dark and dreary hole of no return. But it was an honest struggle. Tears. Frowns. Etc.

Amidst the struggle, I decided I wanted to go to EFY the next summer and it was coming time to register. I wasn't thrilled with the idea of going by myself, and ended up asking Jenna if she wanted to go with me. She was a friend from school at the time. I didn't know her super well, but we'd been acquaintances for quite a while, and we had several mutual friends. She said yes! As the summer approached, we spent more and more time together, and by the end of EFY week, she was my best friend.

Fast forward 10+ years and look. Alllllll the heart eyes:

I have thanked God from the very bottom of my heart so many times over the years for Jenna. But here's what's crazy: Some time between then and now, I forgot about the struggle! I mean, I was aware of the general experience I had that year, but not the meaning of it. Reading those journal entries, I was reminded just how hard that time was for me. I was reminded just how much I prayed. I was shown the embodiment of God's hand in my life.

I think that might be what Camille meant about her journals being personal scripture. Each entry that I've read over the last few months has been a reminder to me of the things I've learned; a snapshot of a lesson God has taught me; a tick in the timeline of the person He is creating out of me.

In August, my goal was to journal. It didn't really do much for me in the moment, honestly. But I know that future me will be happy to look back and remember what it was to be me.


(Title of the post is a quote from Joan Didion. According to Google. So you never know.)

What I Learned From My Ancestors This Month

Once upon a time there was a young girl named Agnes. She was born in Scotland, but moved to Canada with her family when she was 4 years old. Her parents cleared the land for farming, and that is where she spent her childhood and early adult years. She was the 2nd of 10 children.

In April 1832, she married a fellow named Alexander Hill. A few years later, a couple missionaries came to town and taught the Hill family about the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. In 1840, they were baptized as members of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. They had 6 children at the time.

In 1842 they left most of their belongings, and moved to Nauvoo to join the other members of the church.  Like the rest of the saints at that time, Agnes and Alexander faced a lot of persecution and eventually made the trek to the Salt Lake Valley, settling in Millcreek. Also like the rest of the saints, they left behind friends, family, and property at great sacrifice for their beliefs. They ended up with 13 kids and Agnes claimed to have a baker's dozen children.

Her granddaughter wrote: "Agnes taught her children the gospel by example as well as by Precept. She was very industrious. She made lye to make soap, from the wool; and spun the wool into yarn and made it into clothes for her large family. She lived the laws and commandments of the Lord as revealed."

One of their thirteen was a daughter named Agnes, who had a son named William, who had a son named Dennis, who had a son named William, who had a daughter named Carol, who had a daughter named Brittan.

I have another great, great, etc. grandmother named Jane who was a midwife. She saved money from her work and left $25 to each granddaughter named after her.

I have another named Elizabeth. She came to the US from Scotland on a boat (because how else would she have done it...). On the journey, many people suffered with black diphtheria, and she was able to help them as a nurse.

I have one named Hugh who had a stroke at a young age, and was an invalid the rest of his life. He built each of his sons a brick home to live in when they got married.

- - -

Several years ago, my grandma wrote a book called Wildcats, Wagons, Wives, and Wardens. It is written from the perspective of her father, Albert Barlow, about his life, childhood, what led him to choose to live polygamy, and how that affected him and his family.

Reading that book, it was fascinating to see how much I have in common with my great-grandfather. Some of the beliefs and world views he had were definitely passed from him to my grandma, to my mom, to me, and I think that's pretty cool.  It was also interesting to learn about his parents and siblings, and what it was like growing up in Utah in the early 1900s.

- - -

A couple weeks before my 12th birthday, my father passed away. A year later, my mom took us children to visit his grave, but I haven't been back since. I guess it's because I don't really associate that spot in the ground with him...? I don't know. But I decided Family History month would be a good time to visit. So one sunny Saturday morning, I took Benjamin with me in search of our dad's grave. First of all, it was an ordeal just finding the cemetery because google was being ridiculous and my memory of its location was 13 years old. But find it we did! Unfortunately, we hadn't a clue where in the cemetery to look, and the help desk people were closed. So we just searched at random for a minute. Then we called my mom who led us astray for several minutes. Then we called my grandma who gave us some hints (thank goodness for cardinal directions, everyone). After maybe 40 minutes of wandering, we finally found it!

1. I was surprised how old it looked. It doesn't feel like it's been there that long.
2. Believe it or not, I still don't associate that spot with my actual dad.
3. I felt a little bad about the fact that we didn't even have any flowers to put there or anything. What kind of children are we?!
4. I think it was worth the trip. It was nice to dedicate some time to thinking about him and what he taught me and about the Plan of Salvation, and etc.

What else did I do during my Family History month, you might ask?

I indexed 72 records. The goal was 100, which I did not quite accomplish, but it was still a valiant effort. Previous to this month, I had done a total of 7 in my life.

I got a few names to take to the temple (which I have not yet done, so here we go August).

I attended Family History class at church. That was definitely a highlight of the month. The teacher would present a little lesson/discussion on some related topic and then we would spend time on familysearch.org. It was nice to be reminded about why we need to learn about and find our ancestors, about the importance of the family, about making covenants with God, and about God's plan for his children.

Last week in class she read to us from this talk by Elder Renlund. Here is what he said:

"As we participate in family history and temple work today, we also lay claim to the "healing" blessings promised by prophets and apostles. These blessings are also breathtakingly amazing because of their scope, specificity, and consequence in mortality. This long list includes these blessings:
- Increased understanding of the Savior and His atoning sacrifice;
- Increased influence of the Holy Ghost to feel strength and direction for our own lives;
- Increased faith, so that conversion to the Savior becomes deep and abiding;
- Increased ability and motivation to learn and repent because of an understanding of who we are, where we come from, and a clearer vision of where we are going.
- Increased refining, sanctifying, and moderating influences in our hearts;
- Increased joy through an increased ability to feel the love of the Lord;
- Increased family blessings, no matter our current, past, or future family situation or how imperfect our family tree may be;
- Increased love and appreciation for ancestors and living relatives, so we no longer feel alone;
- Increased power to discern that which needs healing and thus, with the Lord's help, serve others;
- Increased protection from temptations and the intensifying influence of the adversary; and
- Increased assistance to mend troubled, broken, or anxious hearts and make the wounded whole.
If you have prayed for any of these blessings, participate in family history and temple work. As you do so, your prayers will be answered."

This is huge. In the last few weeks I have had multiple friends talk with me about big and real and deep and intense trials and struggles they are facing. Not to mention the pit of despair the world seems to be plunging into willy nilly. It's scary! And confusing. It makes me feel tired.

But hearing those promises from Elder Renlund's talk is truly inspiring. Many of those blessings I have prayed for almost word for word. It is hopeful and wonderful to know that there is light! There is good in the dark world, and we have tools and means to access it.

I'm grateful for the blessing July was in my life. August 1st me is a little better than July 1st me because of it.

(P.S. If you have no idea what the crap I'm talking about with family history and indexing and temple and etc. send me a message and I'll be glad to fill you in)

What I Learned From Opening a Cookbook This Month

Dear all roommates past and present,

I'm sure you rolled your eyes or survived a fit of laughter or almost peed your pants when you found out I wanted to do nutrition-y stuff with my life. And I'm sure you said to yourself, "Doesn't she know that nutrition involves actually cooking...?" I'm sure you pondered on our months of living in the same house and counted on one hand the number of meals I cooked. I'm sure you thought about all the delicious and nutritious meals you actually cooked for me and thought about how you would probably make a better nutritionist than I would.

Well. Have no fear. I thought the same things. Fortunately for me, June 2018 came, and along with it a goal to cook three dinners per week.

The rules were as follows:
1. Every meal had to have at least one side dish.
2. Either the main dish or the side dish or both had to be something I had never previously made.
3. I could only crock pot once (because I'm sure all those meals you counted on your one hand involved the crock pot).
4. Don't worry about anything else (i.e. how nutritious it actually is, how it looks, how it smells, how it tastes, how long it takes, etc.).

I honestly had my doubts as to whether or not I could do this goal, but guess what! I DID IT!! Okay, I missed 1.5 meals, but still. Success.

Here's the crazier part: It was like my old kitchen self died and was replaced by this really awesome new kitchen self.

Old Kitchen Self:
1. Cringes at the very thought of cooking.
2. Takes a million years every time she cooks anything because she reads the recipe ten million times, asks 12 million questions, complains 45 million times, cuts her finger, doesn't have all the ingredients, gets teary when chopping onions, finds a hair in her food, etc.
3. Has to follow the recipe with exactness or else she has a heart attack and a stroke at the same time.
4. Doesn't even go into the kitchen so as to avoid 1-3.

New Kitchen Self:
1. Finds herself calm and content when thinking about what to make for dinner.
2. Has superhero speed when it comes to chopping, mixing, measuring, etc.
3. Can easily go with the flow when it comes to recipes that aren't very specific, and somehow finds a way to make it all work out just fine.
4. Not only does she enter the kitchen, but she brings friends with her to partake of the food.

I'd say the highlight was the day I invited a small crowd to come eat food I made for my birthday, because 1) I don't cook and 2) I don't invite crowds of any size over.  It was a real plot twist for everyone involved.

So a big fat thanks to anyone who ate my food this month. Good news: I think New Kitchen Self is here to stay, so get excited to see what July has in store for us.

The crowd minus the food

What I Think and Feel at 25

To be quite honest, 25 has been one of my very favorite ages. It’s been a life-changer, for sure. Here are some of the highlights:

-        Ran a marathon to celebrate my quarter century birthday

-        Went to Europe for the first time

-        Went to Georgia twice

-        Went to Texas thrice

-        Started an online nutritionist program

-        Watched my sister give birth to her second daughter

-        Moved to American Fork

-        Welcomed a brother home from his mission

-        Watched another brother get married

-        Got my doula certification

-        Went to Europe for the second time (and drove on the left side of the road)

-        Led a choir

But, as I'm sure you could guess (because cliche and stuff), it really wasn’t these things that made 25 so great. I could make similar lists for when I was 24 and 21 and 17 and all my other ages. I think what made 25 so great was what happened on the inside.

I felt some significant shifts this year. Maybe it was my prefrontal cortex doing some developing? I think it was more than that.

A friend recently pointed out to me that F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote an essay called "What I Think and Feel at 25" when he was this age. I haven’t actually read all of his, so I wouldn’t say I’m recommending it. I’m just doing my own because how could I not?! You’re only 25 once.

What I Think and Feel at 25

I think about my childhood a lot, and about my siblings, and my family. It’s been an interesting 25 years with them... I’ll just leave it at that. Maybe we can pick up on this note in another 25 years.

I think forgiveness and love are the answers to pretty much everything. Easy to say, harder to do. I have prayed A LOT about these two things over the last 25 years, and especially the last five. For a long time, it felt like I was getting nowhere; like I was saying the same thing in different words over and over and over and over and nothing was happening. But I didn’t stop. And then, almost overnight it seemed like, it got me somewhere. At some point while I was 25, I realized that I was in a different place. I was forgiving and loving like I never have before. I feel deeply grateful to God for that.

Speaking of God, I think He is even better than I can imagine.

I feel nervous about taking the next step. I always have. But more than that, I feel certain that it's right, and that God is here to help me. So, I'm taking it.

I think we know less than we think we do. I also think we don't need to know as much as we think we need to know. And the more I think about that, the more at peace I feel with my life, honestly. I know enough for today. I am in the right place. I am going in the right direction. I think that's all I need to know right now.

I feel happy with where I am. I have a lot to learn and a long way to go, but I'm okay with that. I know that will come with time. I think 50-year-old me will look back at 25-year-old me and smile, knowing what's coming ahead -- what joys and pains and fears and victories and heartbreaks and triumphs I will face. Knowing that it will work out. Knowing it will be hard, but so good.

I think life is beautiful and worth it. 

Tomorrow I'm 26. I think I'll like being 26. 

What I learned from The Family: A Proclamation to the World this month

If you know me at all, you probably know that I really love families. I always have. My siblings have always been my best friends. I always said I wanted to be a mom when I grew up. I studied families in college. I worked with families professionally. I love getting to know other families. I believe in the family.

In 1995, the presidency of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints issued a statement they called "The Family: A Proclamation to the World." This one-page document is a declaration of the importance of the family in God's plan, and how we need to do our part to protect and strengthen families. (If you haven't read it, you can find it here).

My goal for May was to memorize it. I spent the month studying it and thinking about it and reciting it to myself, and guess what. Success! But if you want to hear it you'll have to take me to lunch so I can show you in person... :)

A couple days ago I read an old mormon newsroom article from 2013 called "Homage to the Home: Why Society Needs Strong Families" (you can read it here). The author discusses some of the implications (in society and otherwise) of deteriorating families. I particularly appreciated this reminder: None of us is born a mere individual. We come to this world with a network of pre-existing relationships, bonds and obligations, both familial and civil.

I just want you to know that I believe this is true. It can be tempting to focus on ourselves and our own wants, desires, talents, and goals. It can sometimes be easier to just do it on our own. Being in a family is hard! Even though I love my family, I can tell you that some of my very most heart-wrenching trials, my longest cry sessions, my sincerest prayers, have been because of them. But I can also tell you that some of my sweetest memories, some of my most joyful laughs, and some of my most important life choices have been because of them.

I am not a mere individual. I am connected to a family here on earth, and each of us is connected as part of God's eternal family. It's not a matter of social construct or culture. It's by divine design.

I choose to stand for the family, and I invite you to do the same.

What I Learned from my "Structured Social Media" Month

Originally, the goal was going to be zero social media for a month (referring to Facebook and Instagram). When I told my mother, she said, "But you're going to check the work page, right?"

Blast. In addition to work responsibilities on Facebook, I also have legitimate school responsibilities there that I must attend to.

So I renamed the goal: Structured social media for a month. Meaning, don't get on and waste time staring at useless junk. Get on, do what you need to do, maybe glance at the top three things that popped up on the feed, and get off.

This is a really big deal because I'm usually more of an all-or-nothing person (see March's goal). However, I don't actually believe in all or nothing. What I truly believe in is baby steps! Small and simple things bring about great things, my friends (see January's goal). This month was the perfect opportunity for me to see baby steps in action in my life.

I didn't make any mind-blowing discoveries, but I just have to tell you anyway for the sake of consistency (because btw, consistency is my number one strength according to StrengthsFinder).

Pop Quiz: What did I gain from this month of structured social media?

a) If I only look at the top 3 to 5 things that come up on my feed, and I only do that once-ish per day, I'm basically guaranteed a win-win.  I get to see my bff's engagement or new baby or new dog or new job or super inspiring article, and I also don't get sucked in and waste time and look at things that make me forget all the good in the world.

b) It is actually possible for me to let go of an all-or-nothing mentality and find joy in the balance.

c) Instead of scrolling through the feed, I spent time in the kitchen feeding my belly (in preparation for a future month's goal, so get excited). I made eggplant, liver and onions, two different kinds of enchiladas, meatloaf, and chocolate avocado truffles.

d) I tried out some podcasts! I've never been a big podcast person, but I found some worthwhile episodes, so that was fun.

e) I was happy.

f) All of the above

g) A, B, D, and E


Good luck.

(Here's a cute pic of me and the sibs right before I left on my mission and long before I ever considered getting into social media. Also, Lily did jump...which is crazy considering how tiny she is compared to that wall)

What I Learned From Driving the Speed Limit for a Month

I had the blessed opportunity of spending the first two weeks of this month in Texas at my sister's house. Since I was riding in the passenger seat for those 14 days, I thought March would be the perfect month for my goal of driving the speed limit. (i.e. I would actually only have to do it for half a month and therefore have a higher chance of succeeding.)

Well. I started driving on the 14th, and on the 19th I gave up on my goal. Fail. So there you have it. I'm really good at speeding and I'm really not good at not speeding.

Here's what the month taught me:

1. Sometimes you fail at your goals. Oh wait. I already knew that. I've failed plenty of other goals. And that's fine.

2. If you're gonna set a goal, make sure it's one you actually want to do, or else you won't do it.

3. When you realize you set the wrong goal, just pick a new one!

Would you like to hear my new goal??

You may recall I started a holistic nutritionist program online last year and it's been a real treat. In one of my classes, we've spent a lot of time talking about what we actually want to do as nutritionists -- what kind of clients we want to attract, and what our niche will be.  Considering my background, you would probably think it was obvious what niche I would choose, but I honestly wasn't sure. I toyed around with a few ideas for a while, and eventually settled into this: Fertility, pregnancy, and postpartum.

It's been a couple months since that decision, which means I've had time to doubt and worry and reconsider and etcetera. Even with all of that, I still feel good about it. In fact, I feel great.

So, these last two weeks at work I've had the lucky opportunity to spend time with dozens of pregnant women in a similar capacity to what I want to do with my actual career, and guess what. I. Love. Pregnant women. And babies. And families. And everything about all of that.

It's been HEAVEN!! You guys!!!!! I've found my future. And it's not slow driving.

My new goal is to start taking real steps toward my transition into my nutritionist life. These steps include things like finalizing intake forms, getting a logo, getting a business license (or whatever you have to do...), etc. I want to start working with real people at the beginning of June. And I'm so excited. I think about it all the time.

Basically, March taught me that I've chosen the right career. I can't even wait.

What I Learned From Smiling 24/7 For One Month

When I was in high school, my English teacher introduced me to The Scarlet Letter. To be honest, I don't remember much of it. What I remember is the assignment she gave us: Choose a label we've been given in life, and physically wear it on ourselves for an entire day.

Guess what label I chose.

Ornery.

If RBF was a thing back then, I had it. I was told by many an adult, "You should smile a little more, Brittan" and "Hey, it wouldn't hurt to smile" and "Where's that nice smile?"

Through the course of several months, some good choices, some life-changing experiences, etc. etc. (story for another day), I rid myself of the dreaded ornery label and decided JOY was my course in life.

And I lived happily ever after.

And then some years passed and peaks and valleys and ebbs and flows...you know, that whole bit, and I woke up in January 2018 with a frown on my face. And I said to myself, "This just won't do."

So I set my sights high and decided February was my month for smiling. Now, I will admit that I did not succeed at the goal of smiling literally 24/7. But if I did, I would be perfect, and then what would I even do for next month's goal, right?

Here's what I learned from [attempting at] smiling 24/7 in February:

First of all, there are actual face muscles that atrophy if you don't use them to smile. Do not let that happen to you.

Second, my favorite time to choose to smile is walking around the store. In January, I would have walked around the store with my regular, average joe face on, basically avoiding people. But not in February, my friends! I walked around the store with a giant smile, and guess what! When people saw me, they would smile back. Pretty much every time, almost like magic.

My second favorite time to choose to smile is in the car.  Just try it. I promise you'll love it.

Third, it's not actually appropriate to literally smile 24/7. Not everything is happy and worth smiling over, and that's okay.

Fourth, compared to the investment, the return on a smile is absurdly large. It takes almost zero time, very little effort, no money, and no special skill. Yet so many times it is just what someone needs to brighten their day, lift their spirits, and inspire them to do good. When you see someone smile at you, you naturally want to smile back. When you smile, your brain is like, "Whoa! I'm happy!" and then you smile more.

Have you heard about the importance of smiling at infants? Apparently when moms and dads smile at their babies, their brains literally develop into healthy, emotionally intelligent, strong little brains. Well guess what I've decided: Smiling is important for the development of adult brains, too. When we smile at each other, we connect and we open up, and we be ourselves.

I also like to smile at myself. One of my favorite things to do is smile at myself in the mirror right when I wake up. I look hilarious, so it's not that hard, and it starts the day off right.

I think we underestimate the impact something as simple as a smile can have.

February is over, but I know what I'm going to be doing in March.

"The greatest self is a peaceful smile, that always sees the world smiling back."
-Bryant McGill

What I Learned From Reading The Book of Mormon in One Month

I decided to start the year off right by reading the entire Book of Mormon. I finished this morning with 3 days to spare! Here's what I've decided:

1. It's easier than you would think to read it in 28 days, even with school and other books, and a brother getting married, and work and etc.

2. My favorite part is Mosiah and Alma.

3. It is crazy applicable to my every day life.

4. I really do know it is true and inspired.  Honestly, much of what I know about Jesus Christ comes from the pages of this book. In the dozen or two times I've read it, I have found more and more that it brings me to Christ.

Almost everyday this month, as I finished my reading for the day, I would say to myself, "Sooooo repent! Let go of my pride, turn to Christ, and let Him heal me."  It's an oddly refreshing reminder. In a world of pride and self-aggrandizement, it's not cool to submit to God and His will. It can be confusing to know what is "right" or if there even is a right. Page after page in this book, we are reminded that there is a truth, there is a right, there is a way to peace and happiness in this world. That way is humility and repentance through the Atonement and sacrifice of our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Listen to this:

Wherefore, redemption cometh in and through the Holy Messiah; for he is full of grace and truth. Behold, he offereth himself a sacrifice for sin, to answer the ends of the law, unto all those who have a broken heart and a contrite spirit; and unto none else can the ends of the law be answered. Wherefore, how great the importance to make these things known unto the inhabitants of the earth, that they may know that there is no flesh that can dwell in the presence of God, save it be through the merits, and mercy, and grace of the Holy Messiah, who layeth down his life according to the flesh, and taketh it again by the power of the Spirit, that he may bring to pass the resurrection of the dead, being the first that should rise. (2 Nephi 2:6-8)

Those verses are such a good representation of what the entire book is and stands for! It is a testimony of Jesus Christ. He is our Savior. Through Him we are saved through grace and mercy, one day to stand before God again. How important it is to make these things known!



If you are looking for that missing something in your life this year, I invite you to read the Book of Mormon. You won't regret it.

(If you need a copy, go to mormon.org, or send me a message and I'll be happy to get you one)