What I Think and Feel at 25

To be quite honest, 25 has been one of my very favorite ages. It’s been a life-changer, for sure. Here are some of the highlights:

-        Ran a marathon to celebrate my quarter century birthday

-        Went to Europe for the first time

-        Went to Georgia twice

-        Went to Texas thrice

-        Started an online nutritionist program

-        Watched my sister give birth to her second daughter

-        Moved to American Fork

-        Welcomed a brother home from his mission

-        Watched another brother get married

-        Got my doula certification

-        Went to Europe for the second time (and drove on the left side of the road)

-        Led a choir

But, as I'm sure you could guess (because cliche and stuff), it really wasn’t these things that made 25 so great. I could make similar lists for when I was 24 and 21 and 17 and all my other ages. I think what made 25 so great was what happened on the inside.

I felt some significant shifts this year. Maybe it was my prefrontal cortex doing some developing? I think it was more than that.

A friend recently pointed out to me that F. Scott Fitzgerald wrote an essay called "What I Think and Feel at 25" when he was this age. I haven’t actually read all of his, so I wouldn’t say I’m recommending it. I’m just doing my own because how could I not?! You’re only 25 once.

What I Think and Feel at 25

I think about my childhood a lot, and about my siblings, and my family. It’s been an interesting 25 years with them... I’ll just leave it at that. Maybe we can pick up on this note in another 25 years.

I think forgiveness and love are the answers to pretty much everything. Easy to say, harder to do. I have prayed A LOT about these two things over the last 25 years, and especially the last five. For a long time, it felt like I was getting nowhere; like I was saying the same thing in different words over and over and over and over and nothing was happening. But I didn’t stop. And then, almost overnight it seemed like, it got me somewhere. At some point while I was 25, I realized that I was in a different place. I was forgiving and loving like I never have before. I feel deeply grateful to God for that.

Speaking of God, I think He is even better than I can imagine.

I feel nervous about taking the next step. I always have. But more than that, I feel certain that it's right, and that God is here to help me. So, I'm taking it.

I think we know less than we think we do. I also think we don't need to know as much as we think we need to know. And the more I think about that, the more at peace I feel with my life, honestly. I know enough for today. I am in the right place. I am going in the right direction. I think that's all I need to know right now.

I feel happy with where I am. I have a lot to learn and a long way to go, but I'm okay with that. I know that will come with time. I think 50-year-old me will look back at 25-year-old me and smile, knowing what's coming ahead -- what joys and pains and fears and victories and heartbreaks and triumphs I will face. Knowing that it will work out. Knowing it will be hard, but so good.

I think life is beautiful and worth it. 

Tomorrow I'm 26. I think I'll like being 26.