A Sister is a Golden Thread to the Meaning of Life

Sisters who travel the world together stay together
#UK2018

October 19, 2007

"Oh my gosh! You are not going to believe this incredibly good news I have. I'm so excited! I know I've probably started a journal with an entry like this but whatever was my "good news" on my other pages is so not as good as this news! This is like the best beautiful news of my LIFE! Do you want to hear it? Okay..."

My mom was pregnant. Obviously I was beside myself with pure joy. I was 15 years old and obsessed with babies, and my youngest sibling was 9 years old at the time. As you can imagine, we/I spent the next several months counting down the very hours until said baby would finally be born. I made a countdown sticker chart that seriously had 165 days on it. (It was probably the day we found out the gender, so I knew what color to make the chart. You know, because gender stereotyping and stuff...)(Also, little did I know, that chart was 16 spaces too short. It really was an eternity waiting for that child).

September 27, 2012

"Lily is the girly-girl of the fam. She is 4 years old. She loves pink and purple and princesses and hearts and flowers and butterflies and tutus and dancing and looking cute. She is seriously the girliest girl I have ever seen. She loves to play house. She is a picky eater and pretty much eats nothing, but it's fine... Anyway, Lily is so fun and hilarious and she loves to hang out with her brothers and sisters even though we are all like 20 years older than her. She makes me laugh a whole lot and I always look forward to seeing her when I come home." 

Sometimes I do little snapshots of the fam in my journal. I write a paragraph about each person so I can remember that phase of life later. I love this one of Lily. She was so cute. I remember being soooooo sick of playing house because that is all she ever wanted to do. Also, she had trouble saying the "R" sound, and that was adorable.

June 29, 2016

"Here's a little glimpse at a conversation I had with my baby sister today on her last day as a 7 year old...
Me: My friend got engaged.
Lily: YOU need to get engaged!!
Me: Why?
Lily: Well, actually I like you this way."

For real, Lily is among the funniest of people in my current life. Not only is she hilarious, she is also so creative. She makes the coolest forts I have ever seen. She loves scavenger hunts and escape rooms, and we make those for each other regularly. If you give her a cardboard box or two, she will turn them into something magical. She is tender-hearted and loves people and animals and goodness. AND if you feel like you might want to doubt God, just talk to Lily. That girl has faith.

Even though I love the crap out of her, I also have my mortal failings as an older sister. I can be bossy. I can think I need to take responsibility for her life choices. This can lead to arguments and frustration. When this happens, I feel really bad! She does not need another mom or another critic or another judge out of me. She needs a sister and a friend.

I took November as an opportunity to be best friends with Lily. Honestly, I believe this month's goal was inspired -- an answer to my recent prayers about how to be a better sister to her. The rules were simple: Treat her how I would treat my best friend. This includes obvious things like listening to what she has to say, spending time with her, and asking her opinion on things. If she did or said something that upset me, I made a way bigger effort to see past that, like I would for a friend. I also made it a point to only go to my parents' house if I had enough time to actually spend some on Lily (rather than just grabbing food and leaving).

Here's how it turned out:

1. We made her her very own playlist on my phone with allllllll her favorite songs and none of my opinions. Whenever we were together in my car, we would listen to it.

2. We went laser-tagging, only her favorite activity of all time (even though she lost and cried at the end...it's fine).

3. We played games. She beats me at Connect Four and Qwixx and Sorry, and I beat her at Concentration and Rummikub.

4. We watched a movie.

5. We went to a play.

6. I bought her a cup of pretzel bites at Annie's and then dragged her around H&M and made her give me all her opinions on all the clothes, only to buy nothing as usual.

7. We had a sleepover in her fort (except I didn't actually do my sleeping in the fort, but she doesn't know that, soooo it counts).

8. I took her ministering with me once. That was fun.

9. Last night, we exercised together. That's turning into our new favorite thing. She can do 50 sit ups in like zero time flat, and I sit out during back walkover time. Also, she judges me on my bridge form (and my splits), but I would probably judge myself, so I'm not worried about it. When I was leaving the house after that, she gave me a hug and I said, "You're so warm and cozy!" And she said, "You're so...willing to hug!" Accurate on both accounts.



Okay. This is turning long. Let me end.

I've always felt sad for girls who don't have sisters (and for girls who don't have brothers, but that's for another time). I would never have survived childhood or teenagehood or young adulthood without my sister, Meckenzie. I want to be there for Lily like Meckenzie is there for me. I'm not saying I was the worst sister ever prior to November because please. Of course I have always been there for Lily. She probably didn't even notice a difference this month. But I noticed! I was there for her a little more consciously with my brain and my heart, and it was just nice, you know? It felt good. It felt good on the inside. I needed the renewed perspective.

So. That's it. Sisters are worth it.

(My cousin, Laurie, took these pics, btw)

P. S. Can you even imagine how fun it will be when I'm 39 and Lily is 23 and we get to be adult friendsisters? I'm excited, but I can wait. I like her kid self a lot.


(Title of post from Isadora James)

What I Learned From Meeting Someone New Each Day for a Month

October was a big month.  I decided to take my introvert self on an adventure into the world of extroversion and intentionally talk to people.

The goal was to meet (at least) one new person per day. Rules were as follows:
1. I had to learn their name.
2. They had to learn mine.
3. I could not have met them before.
4. I couldn't tell them about my goal as an excuse to talk to them. To them, it was a regular encounter with a stranger.

How did it go, you ask?

Oct. 1: Benjamin. Soon-to-be pro genealogist who lived in Louisiana once upon a time.
Oct. 2: Dan. Personal chef. Brazilian accent.
Oct. 3: Hilary. The best meal she's ever eaten in her life was hibachi in Acapulco, Mexico.
Oct. 4: Samantha. Artist. Left-handed. #rightbrained. She said to me, "You're really level-headed. I need that."
Oct. 5: Elder Deakins and Elder Reed. Because you can never meet just one missionary. They were top notch.
Oct. 6: Taylor. Asian, but fluent in Spanish. Plot twist.
Oct. 7: Dalton. Last semester at BYU, studying exercise science. Applying to med school in the spring. No plot twist.
Oct. 8: Brad. Introduced me to permethrin. Apparently it's good for killing cockroaches.
Oct. 9: Angela. I met her at like 5:07 a.m. so she's automatically a cut above the rest.
Oct. 10: Eric. I asked him if he was this girl's dad...turns out he was this girl's brother...#regrets.
Oct. 11: RoseAnn. Special K bar from Village Baker comes highly recommended by her. I have yet to verify.
Oct. 12: David. One of the few I actually shook hands with this month.
Oct. 13: .....
Oct. 14: Kat. Works at Petsmart and loves animals. Getting a kitty soon. Fitting.
Oct. 15: Sherry. All about that essential oil life. If Young Living had anything to do with it in the last two decades, she knows about it.
Oct. 16: Amy. I witnessed her first northern Utah hike, her first meal at Cubby's, her first time at the Pioneer Museum, her first session in the Salt Lake Temple, and her first taste of Indian food, and she took it all like a champ.
Oct. 17: Ty. On a scale of 1-10, I'd give his ten key skills an 8.
Oct. 18: Kierra. It turns out we have the exact same taste buds when it comes to smoothies. Also, she plans to name her future child Brittan. Obviously we were meant to be.
Oct. 19: Phillip. French Californian who now lives in Cedar City because IT'S SO DANG BEAUTIFUL.
Oct. 20: Kimmie. Wears amethyst because it's the stone of protection and sobriety and she's going on four years sober. Also, she believed in Santa until she was 15.
Oct. 21: Garrin. Think musical hipster. Complete with trendy glasses.
Oct. 22: Jamey. Currently training for a 10k.
Oct. 23: Isabella. 12 years old. Greeted me with, "Are you a twin to anyone? Because if you are, there are a lot of twins in the world." Of course I immediately created a list of best conversation starters and put that at the top.
Oct. 24: Sister Lane and Sister La Croix. How often do you get to have two sets of missionaries share the same message with you twice in one month?? Clearly, God wants me to share the Book of Mormon with every last one of you.
Oct. 25: .....
Oct. 26: Auntie Clarita. Been working the fruit stand in Oahu for 15 years. She couldn't really handle my name, but it was endearing to see her try so hard.
Oct. 27: Elder and Sister Galloway. My grandpa's brother and his wife, currently serving a mission at BYU-H. She thought I was still in high school, but I won't hold that against her.
Oct. 28: Kathy. She was on the same plane to and from Hawaii, and on the same bench as me at church. She asked if Benjamin and I were twins. When I said no, she said, "Oh, just really close in age?" I took it as a huge compliment.
Oct. 29: Tim. Lives the dream life renting beach equipment to people in Hawaii and giving private kayak tours.
Oct. 30: KP. Stands for Kauila Pele, meaning lightening and lava. Original name: Brad. Claims to have a passion for coffee.
Oct. 31: Gretta. Her favorite kind of apple is honey crisp, but she'll go for fuji if she's not up for the price.

There you have it. 32 people I could introduce you to if we crossed paths, and I did not know any of them before October happened.

About a week and a half into the goal, I told my brother, Brady, what I was doing. He asked, "Are any of them worth knowing again?"

It was a good question, and one I thought about for the rest of the month.

Honestly, this was a hard goal for me. It can be awkward to make conversation with strangers. It can be uncomfortable to offer a compliment or ask a question, or share an insight with someone I hardly know. It is a lot easier to keep to myself, and sometimes that is okay. But sometimes I cross paths with someone who has exactly the suggestion or exactly the experience or exactly the words I needed that day. Or maybe they need exactly what I have. Would life go on if I never talked to them and kept to myself? Yes, and that is just fine. But could life be a little better if I go out of my comfort zone for two seconds and make an unexpected connection? Yes.

For example, I told Hilary I was going to Hawaii this month, and she immediately whipped out all sorts of pictures and suggestions for me. She is the one who told me about Chinaman's Hat. Look what I would have missed out on if I hadn't met her:

The view from Chinaman's Hat

 Even though I dreaded it a lot of times, I never regretted talking to a stranger after it was over. Usually the interaction left me with a few extra smiles that I would not have experienced otherwise. As far as "knowing again" as Brady asked: I have indeed seen a few of them again, and guess what! Still worth it. Not one of them would I avoid if we crossed paths. In fact, by meeting them the first time I actually expanded my comfort zone. If I was in a room full of strangers, plus one of those people on the list above, I would feel really happy about walking over to them and talking again. I'm excited to see Hilary again and tell her all about my experience on Chinaman's Hat. I would visit Auntie Clarita everyday if I could. I'll see Samantha again tonight, and I'm going to ask her about her current art adventures.

I'm happy to go into November with a few more friends and a few more good memories, thanks to October.

Auntie Clarita

 "What a great favor God does to those he places in the company of good people."
-St. Teresa of Avila