This is hard. It's like everything I ever knew is gone. And by "knew" I mean intellectually. I definitely have my testimony so FEAR NOT. In fact, my testimony is the ONLY thing that's holding me through this! Ah! Honestly, I have read the Book of Mormon a million times, but when it comes time to teach someone and whip out a verse of scripture to apply, my mind is literally black. Not only can I not come up with a reference to look up, I can't even come up with a, "You know that scripture that talks about...." Nope! I'm just like, "Hm. Good question. I have no idea. But you know what? I know that God loves you, so it's fine."
Not fine, people! What is this?! Let me tell you what this is. This is God humbling me. This is me in the process of getting a broken heart and a contrite Spirit. He is shaping me into the person He needs me to be so I can be the best missionary I can.
Here's another problem. I feel like Satan hates me. And maybs that's adding to my struggles. I had a little personal revelation today as I prayed during classroom instruction that I am lacking in faith. Lacking in faith! Here on day 2.5 of the mission! Who knew?! Moroni 10:23. Sooo I will be workin on that, starting the moment I came to that conclusion and hopefully things will improve. In fact, they will improve, so don't worry.
On Thursday, I read 2 Nephi 32:9 and guess what I realized. I didn't even begin my mission with a legit prayer! Hellllo! So Thursday night I prayed to the Lord about what I am doing here as a missionary and dedicated my mission to Him. I will give everything to Him. I will turn my life to Him and be who He wants me to be. Every morning since then (which has been Friday and Saturday mornings) I have renewed that commitment through prayer. Today, I will give everything to Him. I will work my hardest and do absolutely everything I can to be who I need to be. I'm pretty sure this mission will turn out okay if I can just remember that...
The church is true! I am so happy!
Sister Brittan E Plante